the other day, i bought the slum dog millionaire soundtrack in the safe knowledge that it has to be good, not because it won an oscar, but because it was a r rahman. he's never disappointed, except maybe with bombay dreams.
what i wasn't expecting, is to feel this deep surge of homesickness, and a deep sense of wasting a large portion of my youth because of my cynical attempts to be 'cool'. this was when i heard the eighth track, aaj ki raat, originally from the movie Don, and i'd realised that despite my steadfast attempts to wall out bollywood, the song along with many others had seeped in under, over, and through the cracks of my mental block. first of all, it's a lovely track, and i seem to remember several others by shankar/ehsan/loy, both from dil chahta hai and kal ho na ho that i really liked. sure, they were laced by some that made me cringe ("it's the time to disco!") but mostly they were really nice. secondly, i'd totally forgotten how gorgeous sonu nigam's voice is.. it conjured up memories of being sprawled on the sofa and reading a book while my dad watched 'saregama'... of course this memory is slightly sullied by the remembrance of 'saregamapa! hero honda!' before and after every ad break.
the thing is, i was cynical about being mainstream - and bollywood is certainly that - and i was cynical about being americanised - so i went and anglicised myself.
how is that better? it's not, tho i generally feel that indie rock in UK is ten times better than american rock (i still think oasis is the greatest rock band in the world, and still listen to them obsessively) . but the thing is, i missed out on the indian stuff that was all around me.
it has actually stunned and baffled me how much the brits celebrate their pop culture. pop bands are reviewed in 'serious' papers, such as the one i work for, everyone unashamedly watches either x-factor or strictly come dancing, some guys even watch hollyoaks and discuss it keenly - the british equivalent of OC, i think (i haven't seen either for more than ten minutes, so i could be completely wrong). i think, from what i've seen, it's not particularly cool to go smoke up and jam on the acoustic guitar - in fact, it's distinctly uncool.
but whatever, cool or uncool, the point is, it's so much more liberating to have an open mind to pop culture, and while i may never get girls aloud or lady gaga, i've definitely missed out on some really nice music from both tamil and hindi cinema.
or maybe i'm just being born again. i actually totally get why NRIs are born again, its been coming for awhile now as far as i'm concerned. when i was in india, i used to get really angry at the way tendulkar was idolised, i felt other batsman were better. now i so get why he is so much more than a player, and just want to be home celebrating a sachin-century with everyone else..
how annoying that i seem to be having an american-desi moment even tho ive lived in india all my life!
who knows, i might even start learning hindi.
9 comments:
"who knows, i might even start learning hindi. "
That will be the day!
Ram
Lovely piece. I had very similar epiphanies during the two years that I lived in Europe.
It's funny to be able to relate so wholly to everything you've said
(In particular " i was cynical about being americanised - so i went and anglicised myself."
and "how annoying that i seem to be having an american-desi moment even tho ive lived in india all my life! who knows, i might even start learning hindi." )
because one always likes to imagine one's perspective and experiences are unique, and therefore the conclusions you come to are hard fought for and yours alone.
It was only when I got home-sick and started watching hindi/tamil movies for some sense of solace that I realised that perhaps I'd been a bit of a snob while I was at home and "that despite my steadfast attempts to wall out bollywood, the songs had indeed somehow seeped in under, over, and through the cracks of my mental block"
"who knows, i might even start learning hindi"
who knows? stranger things have happened...
mercury,
i, like you, have hankered after wanting my perspective and experiences to be unique - hence the rejection of mainstream culture.
but somehow, it's heartening to know that other people, like yourself, have also gone through the same thing. hell, it's our country after all, why shouldn't we enjoy being part of it?
Abhinav,
Didn't want to be AmericaniZed, so you became Anglicised?! - good one!
I keep hearing about NRIs being reborn as well, learning to celebrate everything that is theirs, away from their homeland. But then, and I say this though the augmenting trend seems to be "back to India", how many people want to return to the country for those "little things"? I keep hearing people who tell me "little things are all that count" but come to think of it, that's only for preaching, not practice, essentially, or so it seems. But who am I to judge?!
I couldn't grasp the Tendulkar part: he is probably the best cricketer or at least the most celebrated - and deservedly - of our time but I believe there are several who will come close at least in terms of what they have give to their respective teams. So on the Sachin front, I continue to believe that while all the approbation he gets is what he deserves, there are others who deserve accolades in equal measure too.
Good post! Cheers:)
Frankly, I'm not sure how much of an American Desi thing it is. I've been through the same conflict, abject westernization leading to a kind of grudging admiration for the local product. And I'm still here in India! :)
srini,
don't say 'who am i to judge?' mate, everyone has a right to an opinion! and in this case, i think i tend to agree with you - i am after all employed by a british company, so i don't know if i should be talking about how wonderful india is, while i'm paying tax to another government! but hopefully (and this is the big hope) i can learn something here, and then come back and use that experience to serve my country (and make a decent bit of cash, of course, but youll have to take my word for it when i say thats not a big deal to me). it all sounds horribly cliched and patriotic, but right now it feels right.
eyefry,
i've noticed a rather annoying trend - because the west is beginning to admire all things indian, westernised indians are starting to like all things indian in a quasi-western sort of way... well, whatever works i suppose.
and i'm not accusing you of that, i'm just saying generally.
Heh heh.
In my case I meant this tendency, as I grow older, to devote more and more of my spare time to hitherto parentish pursuits like Carnatic music and Hindi movies and local writing and traditional crafts and art-forms and suchlike. These were all things I dismissed while growing up only because they were shoved down my throat. It's a natural factor of childhood. You rebel against anything that you're required to appreciate. Now I'm starting to enjoy all of it afresh, and it's irritating me to no end that I didn't think of getting into it earlier instead of leaning so obsessively westward. But such is life.
Abhinav,
I DO take your word for it Abhinav. And cash has not mattered much to me - apart from of course serving our essential needs and giving away the rest! Not being interested in an acquisitive life is such free peace at times!
Oh...the usual NRI missing home syndrome. :)
Nice piece...the point about Indian music is particularly true. Somehow we don't celebrate our musicians enough..Sonu Nigam is laughed at most of the time and what about Himesh Reshmiya...everyone absolutely loves to hate him.
God knows..perhaps its cause of the MTV's and Channel V's picking up Western Music far before we did...maybe it's cause of some of the floozy movies the music has been set on.
Come to think of it..I've been on an old Hindi music trip myself..you must check out 'Tareef Karoon Kya Uski"..brilliant.
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