First off all, a disclaimer. Reporter saar was worried that people would confuse this post with him - in truth it has nothing to do with him, poor chap, who doesn't give nor expect sycophancy in any degree.
Which is what my post is about - sycophancy.
Yesterday, I went to the press conference where three ministers were present.
The first thing that struck me was the way in which the programme schedule was designed. It was a list of each of the speakers, naturally the least important one gave the welcome address, and the next least important one the inaugural address and so on, til it was the most important of the three ministers, who was giving the keynote address. That's fine.
What was ridiculous was that the font size of each speaker on the list increased according to importance, so it was something like this:
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11.30 - Mr ABC, Chairman, Small Scale Industries Association
11.45 - Mr DEF, Secretary to the Department of Something-or-the-other, Govt of Tamil Nadu
12.00 - His Excellency Mr GHI, Minister for Something-somewhat-important, Govt. of TN
12.20 - HIS EXCELLENCY, MR JKL, MINISTER FOR SOMETHING-PRETTY-IMPORTANT, GOVT. OF TN
12.45 - HIS EXCELLENCY, MR MNO, MINISTER FOR SOMETHING-BLOODY-IMPORTANT, GOVT. OF TN
13.15 - Vote of Thanks by Mr PQR, Managing Director, Small Scale Industries Association.
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The most noticeable was poor Mr PQR, who must have got the message loud and clear, his importance in the grand scheme of things.
Anyways, I didn't think much of this til I went for the event, and noticed the 'guard of honour' that stood around to receive these ministers. The meeting was about small scale industries, and it seemed like the entire contingent of the 4 lakh small scale industries that are there in Tamil Nadu were there at the foyer of the hotel to welcome the ministers in.
I was sitting on a chair, my back to the door, smoking away, pissed at how long the whole thing was taking, but then these jokers clustered around the ministers and ushered them to the conference room. They came stonking in my direction like a herd of wild elephants, and I had to jump back with all the agility I could muster to avoid being trampled. They honestly didn't have eyes for anyone but these great men.
But you haven't seen sycophancy til you see the IAS officers one rung below the ministers. One chap was to give a speech before Their Royal Highnesses oped their lips as an oracle would, and I thought he gave a good speech. He made excellent - albeit stale - points about the infrastructure hurdles, the excessive duties and taxes and the lack of credit availability for the small scale industry. And then, he needed to make a suggestion to the ministers.
What followed was the most number of 'saar's that i have ever heard in a two minute string of sentences. "I have a small suggestion if I may, saar, you see, saar, these industries, saar, are paying taxes, saar, for roads, water and sewage, saar, but these amenities, saar, are not being provided, saar." And so on!
And then the ministers spoke. And they spoke. And they spoke. In 'shuddha' Tamil, which meant that I had to strain to follow what was going on. Plus these jokers had told me that some important policy announcement was going to be made, so i couldn't afford to relax.
Then the big boss, His Excellency Mr MNO took the stage. Earlier, for the other speakers, there had been a buzz of conversation, the usual atrocious sounding ringtones that seem to include every song from 'manmadarasa' to beethoven's some symphony or the other to bryan adams. And the usual jokers who pick up the phone and say, 'Aaah, solunga, eppidi irukke?' etc.
When our friend took the dias, you could here a pin drop.
And then he proceeded to make one of the feeblest jokes in the history of jokes. Frowning down upon the fool multitude, he said that the greatest danger that the TN working populace faces is... that with free colour tvs and rice for Rs 2 a kilo and free stoves, nobody will want to work anymore and will just take the Rs 200 unemployment check and sit at home all day.
A volley, nay, an EXPLOSION of laughter burst out in the room... Every man jack was laughing with tears streaming down in his eyes. One clown in front of me even stood up and did one 'namaskaram' to acknowledge the depth of the humour!
Anyways, at the end of the conference, myself and a couple of other reporters wanted a few more details. I was quite shaken by the whole circus, and wasn't sure how to approach this guy. But we did, and I did something usually don't. I rarely use 'The Hindu' brand name simply because Business Line is part of the Hindu Group. In fact, I make it a point not to mention the Hindu at all when I'm introducing myself. But when one of Mr MNO's goons scowled at me when I asked a question, and barked out, "Which press?", I said brightly "THE HINDU", and after that mumbled "business line". Sure enough, the man was all smiles and welcomed me to address whatever questions I wanted.
And the final chapter to this epic conference occured when we were waiting at a long snake like queue for lunch, and felt all the rumblings in our stomach that putting up with three Minister speeches would evoke. Suddenly Mr ABC turned up (Or was it Mr PQR?), in any case one of the guys from the Smallscale Industries Association, and ushered us to the table in front of the entire queue, since we're the press. It was a lesser degree of sycophancy, but it was there.
I meant to demur, I really did, but then... I really was rather hungry.
