Dude, where's the partaaaaaaay?!?!?

The Chennai social scene is utter rubbish. And I'm not saying that in the manner of those Punjabi stud-boys with the bright stretch shirt that shows his (lack of) muscles - 'oh does everything here shut at midnight???' sort of way.
let me explain - the two places where most young socialites congregate are a) coffee shops for the college kids/ones who dont get perm to stay out beyond nine and b) pubs and/or beachhouse parties.

Lets take coffee shops first. The place is bursting at the seams with teeny boppers and not in a good way. You have either these guys with sleeveless basketball jerseys and plenty of stubble (no doubt theyve been shaving thrice a day since the 8th grade to achieve the effect) sprawled all over one chair, or girls with horrendously straight hair, dangerously low jeans, and tops that just show a hint of navel. This is the default. No doubt some of them try to be a little more subtle (tho I personally have never encountered this species) while some of them are all out dangerous - I remember one girl walking into the loo at Ispahani centre clad in a salwar, and coming out with a bright red t-shirt with two black hand imprints on the chest, and the words 'hands off!' below. I'm not a prude, but aren't we just a little loud for two o' clock in the afternoon, honey?
The conversations ... sheesh... horrible.. Now don't get me wrong I'm not the type who listens in to whats being said at the next table - not because of some great moral objection, but because the convos are so boring i'd rather watch F1 with the volume turned down (have you ever tried that? without the commentator hype, half the [so called] excitement is dead).
It so happens I was at Mocha one day with a friend of mine, and we didn't get a place to sit, except with a friend's teenage brother and his gang of friends. The boy is actually a really nice kid, but the conversation... well, i will let you judge for yourself:

teenage boy (TB): So, Abhinav, when did you start dating?
Me: Uh?
TB: As in when did you first start going out with a girl?
Me: I dont know, 11th or 12th standard maybe (which is a rank lie, btw, but i couldnt appear like a loser in front of these kids).
TB: Well, you know, TB2 (forget his name) started in 6th!

I look at TB2. He's wearing a sleeveless basketball jersey, his chin is generously splattered with stubble, and he is sprawled carelessly across his chair.

And then there's the beachhouse parties. The people there are the ones who dressed like the teeny boppers at coffee shops five years ago, and have now graduated to halter tops, when it comes to the girls, and either t-shirts or shirts for the guys. But the colours, the swagger, and the stubble remains the same.
The conversation is slightly worse. At least the teenagers are wannabe. These people are downright idiotic. First conversation:

Idiot: So where's your drink?
Me: Just getting one
Both of us laugh perfunctorily. Later on we bump into each other again. If i don't have a drink in my hand, it's:

Idiot: So where's your drink.
Me: Just getting one.
Idiot: What is this? Next time I see you you better have one.
Me: Ha ha ha... (under my breath) loser.

And if I have a drink:

Idiot: So how many drinks down are you?
Me: This is my third...
Idiot: What? I'm down ten already! And I'm not even buzzing.

And this while swaying perilously everytime he moves.
If you actually brave a conversation with one of these guys, it'll go something like this:

Me: So what do you do?
Idiot: I work in my father's business.
End of conversation.

And the girls are, if possible, even worse. If they are not interested in you, they usually give you the cold shoulder and stare in the other direction when you're introduced. If they are interested in you and want you to ask them to dance, they usually give you the cold shoulder and stare in the other direction when you're introduced.
And if you do manage to get to talk to them, and then finally dance with them, depending on their stage of inebriety, they would either chat politely or grind you all over the dance floor, press their bodies really close to you, which is all perfectly normal, but try anything slightly further (which I actually haven't, because for me personally, I have to be hundred percent sure the girl is reciprocating, cos I hate the idea of being rejected) and they'll draw away or say, "It's so hot, lets go stand outside for awhile."
In any case, there's a strong possibility you may not see her again for the rest of the party.The next saturday night, when you see her again, you say hi, and typically her response would be to give you the cold shoulder and stare in the opposite direction.
Or the moment of realisation could come the same night, when you see her dancing similarly with some other guy. And then she'll cheerfully introduce you to that guy too.

And finally, there's a standard line that everyone gives everyone. No party is complete if someone hasn't said to you:
"I'm so sick of the Chennai party scene. You see the same faces again and again."